By Casey Corcoran
Lately I’ve been sitting down
in cafes and in my living room
consciously trying to stop thinking about
whatever it is that I’m thinking about.
Instead, trying to replace my thoughts
at that particular moment
with something less exhausting.
But I always, from some small space
of wherever it is that I’m existing,
end up seeing or hearing or smelling
something that makes me feel another thing
which causes me to think of
whatever it is that I’m thinking about.
I guess it’s not that I’m being reminded
of anything specific I had and lost
at some point of previous existence,
but more that I’m remembering
that I exist, wherever and whenever that may be.
The only thing I’ve really been able to accomplish
through trying to not think about
whatever it is that I’m thinking about
has been a constant feeling of disconnection
and alienation from my own problems.
Like I am constantly someone else
hearing about the problems
of another person, who is somewhere else.
A prolonged feeling of ambivalence
that washes over me whenever
I’m in a cafe or my living room
and just want to stop thinking about
whatever.
Clamor 