Silent Punishment

Amanda Cook

You were not burned at the stake
You were not evil by any means
You were gentle and pure
You were a child, not a monster

But they tried to kill you

I found you lying in blood
I found you crying for help
I found you pleading for your mother’s love
I found you reaching for your father’s hand

They did not love you

Safety was what you wanted
Safety was what you needed
Safety was what you deserved

You never knew my name

I provided the comfort you wanted
I provided the companionship you craved
I provided the protection of a true monster
I provided the love of a parent and friend

No one would touch you

They wanted you to die
They wanted you to suffer
They never wanted you
I had to take you away

Away to where you could be safe
Away to where you could be free
Away to where you couldn’t feel pain
Away to where you couldn’t be with me

Convents are not for the likes of sinners like me

In my place, the sisters would love you
In my place, the sisters would raise you
In my place, the sisters would protect you
In my place, the sisters would be your guide

My punishment is my soul

It has been blackened from the start
It has been stained by blood
It has been fractured by screams
It has been broken by countless sins

A demon is not worthy of forgiveness

Forgiveness is for the savable
Forgiveness is for the redeemable
Forgiveness is not for the damnable
Forgiveness is not for the replaceable

I am replaceable
I wish that you would keep me
I wish that you would cherish me
I wish that you would be my friend
I wish that you could turn a demon’s heart white
I wish that you could make me irreplaceable

I will never leave you

Outside the convent I will wait
Outside the wall I will watch
Outside your knowledge I will stay
Outside the limits of reason I will pray you back to my side

My Ebony-Rose.

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