Denise Calvetti Michaels
Look for a flaw in the net that binds us
tight, burst through, break free!
Go, I’ve prayed for this for you—now my thirst
will be easy, my rancor less bitter. . .
—Eugenio Montale, Cuttlefish Bones / “On the Threshold”
1.
Mom hands me a stationery box of old photos,
3×5’s of childhood, black and whites of the 50’s, a few miscellany.
We are standing in the shade of the giant sequoia,
my mother dressed in summer whites, celery green shirt sleeves.
I clutch the box as her car turns left on Valota Road.
I know I won’t join her; my father with dementia doesn’t want visitors.
2.
In this photo, I’m with Nona Jenny and my girls, the last Polaroid of us together since I left California for Florida, first in the family to attend college. Only now I realize what it means to become preoccupied with daughters, ignore premonitions Nona would need more care.
3.
Unfold what she left to you in the cedar chest—two blankets crocheted during WWII.
Tally the stars and squares; count the evenings mother is a girl doing homework.
Stitch intentions into pieces of light linen, biancheria; 288 for one, 456 the other.
4.
My youngest takes the ferry with me to Port Townsend and we drive out to Fort Worden
with our notebooks and the camera trying to match thread to the colors of reeds—ecru,
buff and tawny tan, yellow-brown, and canary. On the bluff with no border between us
and the sea, we unfurl the blankets to set them free.
5.
buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny
tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown
buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny
tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown
buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny
tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown
buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny
tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown
buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny
tan yellow-brown buff ecru tawny tan yellow-brown
6.
wren warbler tanager towhee sparrow junco bunting lark finch nuthatch kinglet wren
warbler tanager towhee sparrow junco bunting lark finch nuthatch kinglet wren warbler
tanager towhee sparrow junco bunting lark finch nuthatch kinglet wren warbler tanager
towhee sparrow junco bunting lark finch nuthatch kinglet wren warbler tanager towhee
sparrow junco bunting lark finch nuthatch kinglet wren warbler tanager towhee sparrow
junco bunting lark finch nuthatch kinglet wren warbler tanager towhee sparrow junco
bunting lark finch nuthatch kinglet wren warbler tanager towhee sparrow junco bunting
lark finch nuthatch kinglet wren warbler tanager towhee sparrow junco bunting lark finch
nuthatch kinglet wren warbler tanager towhee sparrow junco bunting lark finch nuthatch
7.
Nona Jenny worked while I was a girl, her husband lost to a gunshot accident by the time she turned sixty. She returned to Italy for a year but found she could not stay. It was Nona Jenny I always came back to; her house, a haven. At night she fell asleep on the divan watching TV so I could have the bedroom. She covers me with the blankets crocheted when my mother was a girl.
8.
alar bar alula axillaries cere coverts crissum crown culmen distal
band flashmark gorget humeral lamellae lores malar mandible
mantle nanus occiput spatulate supercilium tarsus totipalmate tympani
vane wattle wingstrip wattle vane tympani totipalmate tarsus
supercilium spatulate occiput nanus mantle mandible malar lores
lamellae humeral gorget flashmark distal band culmen crown crissum
coverts cere axillaries alula alar bar alluls axillaries cere coverts
crissum crown culmen distal band flashmark gorget humeral manellae
lores malar mandible mantle nanus occiput spatulate supercilium
tarsus totipalmate tympani vane wattle wingstrip wattle vane tympani
totipalmate tarsus supercilium spatulate occiput nanus mantle mandible
9.
There was a flaw in the fabric, so I ran to you!
You hid me under the needlework.
10.
My work transforms what she gave me.
Wherever we ran from each other—her hands.
Clamor 