Desire

Angelica Urquizo

Sensation and action. The desire to own, possess, ruin, worship, be seduced by fantasy. It is waiting to be washed in the dark and hung to dry in a closet full of clothes meant for taking off. Slivers of silver rocking over one another, one second of light at a time. Revealing my true, bare image. 

Carl Jung would tell you I’m a Lover. For better (or for worse). I love love, yes. But, Her, a hidden part of myself cannot help but love the idea of destroying it. Love basking in the delight of ephemerality. 

Desire, the sensation and the action, the entity, lives in my veins as want and lust meet within colliding cells. As I have changed, so has my love. She shifts but does not succumb. A Lover does not always love well. Only turns into quicksilver passion looming under red light. 

This part of myself wants to reel in the decadence of anticipation. An arc of stars captured by the long exposure of wind on Her bare breasts and rough wool scratching Her back. A weekend without words, hanging on for Monday’s homecoming, She was always dying to see his face when it was her turn again. She sighed over holy grass for the sake of knowing what it might feel like to be free from ownership. One shot to witness, to measure, to radiate a beam of power. She eats forbidden fruit as a snack. 

I’d meet Her time and time again with hesitation. She has a way with words, even within myself. Dangerous, though, protective? It was Her who lied to me in scotch tape patches, temporarily healing my torn wounds. She made it all run black. Indiscernible shadows no amount of light could ever touch and make real, as long as She held a reign over me. I once thought to banish Her, but how could I? 

Recently I told Her, I want to be your friend. I see you, your grain, your heart, your lust, your love, your want, your wild, your craze. Your firm, pressed fingers sliding over memory and imaginary dreams. Said, I would build you a dark room with a sliding door to reach me, and for me to reach you. Dimming my precious lights to see you for who you are.